the real me

I no longer try to please people or follow trends set by others.

I did try that the other weekend, my result was far from what I

wanted, what did I do, I got drunk.

I was weak and gave into peer pressure to be accepted

... Thats not going to happen anymore. 

I'm sick of being someone I'm not, pretending to please 

others so I'm accepted. I guess all that matters is if God accepts

me and he does. More then I will ever know...

where's where

The anticipation, the saving, long hours of working, it all leads up to this. 

I'm officially stepping out of my comfort zone and going into another place.

The safeness of my home is gone but I'm stepping out into a place where

rabies, malaria is regularly occurring. Gone through the painful experience

of three injections within the space of 10 minutes :/

Children live on the streets and many

are left as orphans. Its sad, but it's the truth. The truth that we don't see

because we live in a safe place away from these places..

Random thoughts.

So when I'm home alone I find I think about random stuff like how good nacho's are. I'm actually craving them right now.

 

 But let's get serious one of the things that annoys me the most are these girls at my school. You know the ones who think they are too cool for anything, well they sit there and look at people as they come in and you seem them automatically judge. And thats real lame! And the worst thing is I've walked into my english class before and seen their eyes glued to me for atleast thrity seconds and then they go into a whisper. I really dont care about what others think of me. Especially them because as soon as you give the slightest hint or care towards them you are the next person to be put to shame. Even worst they talk loads in class and when i talk they tell me to shut it. I turned around one day and told them maybe they ought to shut it once in a while.

The other day while walking to Elevate... yes lame i had to walk, anyway i saw this guy stick his head out of the van he was in with a bottle of beer in his hand and shout "where have you been all my life" I laughed and kept walking. Drunk people are lame. They actually miss out on all the fun. So it got me thinking of those days when I thought drinking was cool, boy was I wrong.



My brothers girlfriend had a baby! BOYAH! I'm a Aunty. My brother who is 17, nearly 18 got a 16 year old pergnant. Cool bro. I like babies but when you have one this young you lose your life, you spend all your spare time looking after a wee one. My brother is pretty much awesome. We would wrestle, I remember the one time i bet him, with a pillow. I remember all the dead arms, the camping trip, when we went possum hunting. I remember the good times and some bad. I miss him.



I love the beach. When I'm there its like I'm free. When I'm at the beach I can actually think properly. I find quiet times at the beach are amazing.

I've been staying at this ladies house because Nana and Poppa is away and I dont really like to be at my house alone, it's so big for just me. So I'm here and yet I feel at home by myself here.



But anyway, at 3:30pm every afternoon they feed the ducks across the road. Some of them have names. One is Stumpy, he got that because he has one foot and a stump. It's quite funny watching ducks waddle and even funnier watching Stumpy waddle. Ducks are my favourite animal. I enjoy them too much for what I should.

Btw Jesus is amazing

Vietnam!

Its hard to think that in less then 28 days i'll be in Vietnam. I raised $8,500 to go on this trip... 
I don't know what to expect but i know my life is going to be changed from this trip.
 When i first herd about this trip i didn't quite know if it was me. But then God told me that i had to do it. So now less then a month to go. I'm kinda nervous. A month without :

• family 
• my friends 
• V (ohh i know stupid, but i love it)
• Most importantly Elevate and Church 
• 
  

and that is what worries me... 
Elevate and Church is what I look forward to each week. Each week i go and get inspired more and more to do things outside of it. But i know in my heart that this will be a test. 

Its hard to leave for a month and spend the first Christmas without my family, my 17th Birthday, New Years... And to hear everyone else's great plans and to miss out on them. I guess I have a big challenge to face ahead of me. 
I cant wait and I know that this trip is gonna change my life completely.

Goodbye

Saying goodbye is the hardest thing to say to a friend. I stood there by the side of her hospital bed wishing, praying she would wake up. Thinking what if. Friends are amazing and its made me really think. That if another friend someone close to you suddenly died, a part of you wouldn't know what to do. Her family are amazing. They are so sweet. You can see the emotion in their faces. They are trying to deal with things. We sat in the day room, talking about all the good times in her life. I only learnt more about her. They cried, i cried. Then her mum told us to go in the room, for another couples of minutes, just to say bye. It struck me. Its hard saying bye to a friend, but ill see her in heaven. I would of loved things to be so different. But its the way life happens. She may or may not be alive tomorrow. But i will surely miss her.

Life

So im Kyla Walker. Life rocks. I mean why wouldnt it rock i have Jesus in my life. I have changed so much since the day i surrendered to him. Life wasnt always good for me. But i guess thats cause i missed the most important link. I lived with my mother. Things were hard. She was always trying to make ends meet. She had this boyfriend (which she still has- but claims she doesnt), he abused her and things like broken phones became regular occurrences. My mum and nana had this big financial problem, so mum shifted us to the Akatarawas and let me tell you what happened. My mum physically abused me because of her problems in life. She smoked weed, drank and along with her boyfriend problems. I became the "blame" for everything and i soon became depressed. Self harm and drinking was my only way out. suicide ocupied my mind. I thought that ii was a mistake i thought that i should die. I would always go to attempt suicide but i never brought myself to doing so. I often stayed home because i couldnt be bothered. I was too tired, from the constant fitting. I began to slowly give up on life. My half brother helped make ends meet, he stole, he worked just so me and my sister could eat and have a life. We then had to move. We were kicked out. Soon we moved into a house in Naenae. It was rough there. One day i came home from my nanas (mum started to let us see her on the only rule that nana gave her money), Mum was lying on the floor. i asked her what was wrong, she said it was hot. So i thought she was fine. Her boyfriend came home. Went into the toilet and to which he came marching straight out and told us to ring the ambulance, mum kept fainting. We rang. i immediately thought i have to get out. I rang nana she would meet me in the spot. As i was running out of the house, ambulance was there. They were carrying mum and Lee came running out and grabbed my arm. I managed to break free of his grip but then for mum to come and take my phone and to hit me. I ran. Didn't care about my phone. i wanted out. I got to my nanas. And have never lived since. Running to meet my nana was the second best decision i made, because i started to get what was a life when i moved in with her. I then came to know Jesus thanks to my amazing friends. Sometimes i look back on life and what happened. I see somethings that have happened where i thought i was alone. Then realized that Jesus was there. Mum and i constantly fight. It sucks. My dad is addicted to drugs. But thats their life. My life is with jesus and i know its going to be hard at times but i know i can get through it.